the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
