I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Randomize
