She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Randomize
