I feel great
I just peed on a car
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
the raccoons are back...
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