I didn't shave. On purpose
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
