wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
