SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize