I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
