dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
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