Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
