I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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