he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
