you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Randomize
