either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Randomize
