Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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