I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
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