She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Randomize
