but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
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