Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
It was like giving head to a cactus.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
