I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
