he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
