wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
