He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
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