You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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