it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
