i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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