I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
