He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
where does the pee come out of this thing
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
And then the night went full on bisexual.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
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