Grow some girl-balls and come out already
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
