we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
