i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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