Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
