I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
