we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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