i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
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