I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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