I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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