That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
my shit smells like andre
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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