also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
