Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
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