you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
