i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
