mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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