Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
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