i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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