I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Randomize
