Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Randomize