I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
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