i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
