you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
