1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize