I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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