I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize