Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
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