She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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