I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Randomize
