the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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