from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Randomize