i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
