new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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