He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
