38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
