why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
