Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
The power of my boobs compel you
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
