We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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