I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
