I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Randomize
