i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
