If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
